Dave and Linda*
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Dave and Linda* |
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Our story begins, long long ago, in a place not far enough away. Yes, boys and girls, Microsoft! A place of dark and evil repute, where deals are done, fortunes are made, and where the faint of heart dare not tread...
The year is 1992, and Dave "Knuckles" Cor(nfield)leon has been given the job of whipping the ornery Eforms project team into shape. He calls a meeting of the team, and dons his best fedora for the occasion. He always wore his fedora when bloodletting was in the air, and the project schedule was badly in need of a shave and a haircut.
The Seattle weather was doing its best to match his mood. Dour. Wet. The sun barely wanting to show its head above the horizon. Given the way the project had been going the team probably felt much the same way. One by one the team filed into the conference room where Dave sat waiting. Suddenly, she came in. Blond hair and a knockout smile that made the weather outside irrelevant.
"Hi," she said, in a disarming way. "I'm Linda Archer, your product marketer."
Dave picked up his arms and mumbled a reply, the fedora covering the blush on his forehead. This was not what he'd been lead to expect. Perhaps a different strategy was needed. The mafia don schtik worked okay for bullying developers like that Saada guy into shape, but this was a different matter.
Fast forward to 1994. Having shepherded the Eforms project out the door, Dave is given leadership of the Schedule+ project. As an extra incentive for taking the job, Linda is named program manager. She however, has other ideas. She doesn't want to work for Dave, she wants to date him. Something must be done. She thinks hard and comes up with a novel solution. Work so hard and so long that her hands develop tendinitis, making it impossible for her to continue. Then quit. Simple, really, when you come right down to it.
But, having accomplished this, she needed a way to keep seeing Dave, so he'd ask her out. Well, the answer to that was easy too. Hook up with Gem Saada, another keyboard casualty, and the wife of Dave's good friend Rick. Then the two of them would start taunting the guys (who were still working) by spending the gorgeous Seattle summer hiking. Rick succumbed first, and left Microsoft in late summer. The three of them started working on Dave. Finally he agreed to come hiking and camping with them. He began to see her in a different light...(sunlight, as he put it) ...and they soon began to go out (Oct '94). About 15 months later (Jan 1996) they were engaged to be married and eventually, the date was set for Feb 22, 1997.
But enough history. What people really want is the lowdown about what happened on the honeymoon. And Dave's "friends" are happy to provide that service, even before they get back. Make that especially before they get back, so we have time to get away.
Begin fake Dave and Linda voices here:
| Dave: Our itinerary
included time in Tahiti, sailing in French Polynesia, a
few days in New Zealand, and then over to Bali, in
Indonesia. But first we had an important stop to make. Linda: Yes, it's really important to get your kitchen basics before you go. They're really hard to find on the islands you know. |
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| Dave: Uh. Right. Anyway, we packed
our swimsuits, hiking boots, and lots of sunscreen for my
forehead, and got ready to take off... Linda: Eh? Dave: Sigh. |
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| Dave: As usual, we were served
gourmet cuisine, on board. Linda: Get used to it, dear. |
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| Dave: Tahiti had beautiful beaches,
and we got a chance to wow the natives with the results
of the Marriott diet. Linda: Yes, but I still think the red bikini looked better.
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| Dave: I was certainly impressed by
how friendly all the locals were towards us, when they
heard we were on our honeymoon. Linda: Still, I was happy to leave for our boat. |
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| Linda: Sailing the islands was
lovely, and we had a great time snorkeling. Dave: Ah, such style, such grace. I must have married a nymph. |
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| Linda: Be quiet, or I'll tell them
about your little accident while cleaning out the bilge.
I told you not to pull that plug out. Dave: mmuh mumm. |
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| Linda: Much better. You're learning
quickly dear. Anyway, New Zealand was very nice, but we
were a little disappointed by our "Honeymoon cottage
complete with private servants" that we'd booked in
Bali. Now that we're back I plan to have a little chat
with the agent. Dave: Where's my fedora? I'm ready. |
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| Linda: Bali also had the most interesting
cuisine. I'll have to leaf through my back issues of
Gourmet to find a recipe for barbecued rat. Dave: By this time, though, we were getting a little tired of traveling, and missed all our wonderful friends back in Seattle. Linda: Who'd never do anything if they happened to guess Dave's password, now would they. Dave: My friends? Certainly not. |
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